Masks

What is it about Halloween? Some people like it more than Christmas. I’ll never be one of those people, but I can get into some aspects of it now. I still don’t like the the more macabre elements, or the gore, or the creepy crawly decorations. Okay, so I’m not the biggest fan.

I have, however, learned to appreciate the creativity of coming up with a good costume, both the idea and execution thereof.

I made an attempt at a mad scientist get-up for my church Halloween party last weekend. Unfortunately, my enthusiasm and energy kind of fizzled, but I have a lab coat for next year to improve on it. (I still need a crazy wig and beaker to hold dry ice, and a better technique of using charcoal as soot on the lab coat and my face.) I could try again for dress-up day at work on Halloween. We’ll see.

When I was a kid, I didn’t like any costume with a mask. It was probably just uncomfortable, but it was also kind of prophetic.  I didn’t like the idea of pretending to be someone else. Then I did that for years. Actually, it wasn’t so much pretending as it was suppressing who I really am. I still take a long time to open up and get to know people. I think that, even though I’m out to my family and a lot of other people, and made it public on Facebook a few years back, I’m still kind of guarded about being gay. I don’t talk about it at work. Only a few people know there.

I think that creates a barrier that keeps me acting reserved in general because I’m still holding back part of myself in one part of my life. That affects all areas of my life. I totally get that many LGBT people move far from home and start over. It’s easier to be yourself when people have only known you one way.

I don’t plan to come out at work anytime soon, though. There are people I just don’t care to share it with. Some unpleasant people. It’s not that I think they would act with prejudice against me. It’s just none of their business. It’s only a few people. It might seem like I shouldn’t let that stop me, but that’s just where I am right now. I don’t try to hide it. I just don’t talk about it.

Anyway, back to Halloween costumes. If you don one this season, enjoy the time of fun, freeing anonymity, or role playing. See yourself from a different perspective, and if you made the most original, or funniest, or sexiest, or scariest costume, then wear it with pride.

 

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